Utterly Perfectly Imperfect

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I’m sure I’m not the only one here that can relate…but I know many of us, especially me, have had that utterly perfectly imperfect moment.  That moment when everything is going perfectly smoothly, and the one pie that is a must on the Thanksgiving Dinner table, the one pie you have made year after year sitting there looking perfectly golden brown, smelling heavenly turns out to be a total FAIL.  Yes!!!  That was me, this Thanksgiving.  My hubby and brother-in-law were already debating over who was going to get the first slice.   They went in for a slice and of course…what looked perfect in every way from the outside turned out to be a liquid pecan pie on the inside.  Talk about total disaster.  I was mortified.  Here I had put my heart into this pie.  I was exhausted from everything else I had prepared the night before and was running on fumes when I made this pie.  I was so focused on making the house look so perfect.  I made sure every part of the house was impeccably clean, all the desserts were beautifully displayed, and my chalkboard frame had the cutest turkey drawn on it.  I have done this time and time again where I overdo it and over work myself trying to make things just right.   People often get the wrong impression of me and I’ve learned to not judge a book by it’s cover.  Yes…that all time favorite quote is soooo true.  Sometimes I feel like that pecan pie.  I don’t have it all together and I’m so thankful that I can turn to God when i’m a mess inside.  I try not to show everyone when I’m having a rough day or feeling emotional, which happens quite often.  I mean seriously, I’m human.  I have feelings too.  I just don’t show them too often to others.  I get upset like today when that guy on the freeway that’s talking away on his cell phone cut me off and nearly hit me.  It’s human of me.  And yes, I get impatient at times and throw tantrums.  YUP…I do that too.  And when I feel lazy, I will walk out of my house in my camo cap, jeans and a t-shirt with my hair in a messy bun and no makeup and run my errands.  There was a time not long ago that when someone at work truly upset me, i’d get so worked up I’d cry in my office then come home venting the whole night away.  My poor husband had to hear night after night all my complaining about this and that which happened at work or on my commute.  My temper was short.  But over these last months since I made the decision to change my life and follow God with all my heart, I found it takes a lot more to get me really upset.  Don’t get me wrong, today’s incident on the freeway was a close call and after 3 auto accidents, yeah, I’m a bit nervous.  My husband even said tonight during dinner how he has noticed I haven’t been coming home complaining about work anymore.  He asked me if everything was okay.  You see, I found that allowing all my emotions to get the better part of me was not doing me or anyone else a bit of good.  Getting angry and upset wasn’t changing the situation and wasn’t making it any better.  I have been more focused on putting everything in God’s hands.  I have this bible verse I read each morning that helps me and when I am weak on the inside, I have my music playlist ready for worshiping in my truck and my office.  Turning everything over to God has made it so much easier to deal with the tough days.  I’m a mess…I’m utterly perfectly imperfect and God loves me just the way I am…flaws and all.  God doesn’t expect us to be perfect…so why should we expect perfection from ourselves or others.  I should have spent my evening enjoying time with my mom and my sister instead of trying to make every single pie from scratch and worrying if everything looked great.  I should have just bought a few pies and enjoyed more time laughing and talking with them while making our stuffing.  I am a work in progress and I am learning as each day passes.  We won’t ever reach a stage of perfection and we should not try.  We should only be focused on doing things that makes God proud of us.  God loves you just the way you are, with every imperfection you have.  Love who you are and know that God does not seek perfection in any one of us.

XOXO…Ileen

Psst…God Loves You

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

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