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weak

These past few days I’ve sat staring at my computer, looking at a blank page.  I’ve missed a few days of blogging.  I haven’t had a clear mind for some days now.  A few weeks ago we were informed that my father-in-law was placed on hospice and about 2 weeks ago we were told he would not make it for too much longer.  My heart aches knowing how much he has been suffering but more so because I know when God is ready, we will no longer have him here with us.  I regret we weren’t as close as I wanted but these past 2 weeks I have visited with him a few times now.  I sit and talk to him and every chance I get I pray for him.  I see him slowly slipping away and I watch how strong my husband has been.

There comes a time in life when we have to let go of our loved ones.  It was difficult for me losing my grandfather suddenly and I was lost in my grief before I became saved.  It was his loss that broke me and put me in a state of depression I never thought I could get out of.  After two years of grieving, being angry and depressed I sought God and immediately I felt Him lift me out of all that pain.  I was so broken that no one could help…only God.  I was blessed that growing up my grandfather taught us about God and every week preached to us about how great He was.  I took it for granted all those years till I needed God and could no longer depend on my grandfather for prayer.  As I see our family grieving, knowing at any given moment my father-in-law will lose his battle, I’m grateful that God is with us comforting us.  I am so thankful that my husband and boys have all grown closer to God and I believe that God is going to help them through this.  I don’t lose hope in God because I know how bad off I was and I know what God did for me all those years ago.  He continues to lift me up when I’m down and hurting.  I can’t help but spend my days and nights thinking and worrying about my father-in-law.  My heart aches seeing him in so much pain.  It’s not that I don’t trust in God.  It’s that I’m human and I too will feel a roller coaster of emotions.  We can’t explain the whys when we lose someone.  We can only trust that God’s Will is greater than ours.  God will bring us the comfort we seek and He will turn our weakness into strength.  God is faithful and He will never abandon us.

XOXO…Ileen

Psst…God Loves You

“Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted”  Matthew 5:4

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