When I Don’t Feel It

black and white woman girl sitting — Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Last night I was watching Better Together TV on TBN, and one of my favorite worship singers, Kari Jobe was on. She was telling the story of her sister and the suffering her and the family had endured after losing her baby. It was heart wrenching.

As Kari told her story she said she was in church one day and it was during worship. As they sang, the next few words left Kari feeling like she just wasn’t feeling those words. She found it hard to sing and stood in silence with tears streaming down her face.

I laid in bed sobbing as I heard her recount this moment in her life. A time where she felt broken and hurt. I thought of where I was at in this very moment, watching tv from my laptop, still with the aches from my recent surgery. I remember feeling just like Kari at one time.

The pain I had endured just weeks earlier was unbearable. I felt so broken. No one could do a thing to relieve this pain. With prayers going up from everyone I knew, my heart felt the sting as it withered down. My worship was nowhere to be found sometimes. The pain and heartache was screaming, “Why me God?” Here I was doing everything God asked of me and yet the suffering was so great. And if this was a test, I felt like I was on the road to complete utter failure.

Isn’t it like us to slip into a state of pain so immense that we begin to feel like we just can’t anymore. We can’t deal with one more setback. We can’t deal with one more heartbreak. We can’t deal with one more disappointment. We wonder “Why me God?”.

I was in a state like Kari. I couldn’t sing sometimes. I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. I was hurting. And God could see this. I couldn’t utter a word because I just didn’t feel it. I only had tears. Tears of hurt. Tears of pain. Tears of brokenness.

Sometimes we feel this way. And I want you to know. It’s ok. God understands our hurt. He understands how we feel. You see it’s not that I was angry or mad at God. By all means NO! I was in pain from my back and leg and the words of worship were nowhere to be found. I couldn’t sing some of the lyrics because in that moment I wasn’t feeling those lyrics. I was feeling pain. And I simply laid in tears with soft prayers to God saying, “I don’t know why me, but I understand.”

I wanted Him to come down from heaven and touch me with His healing hands. I wanted Him to take this pain away and give me rest at night when I just couldn’t find comfort. I’d listen to my worship music, with my lips shut and tears flowing. But I wanted God to know that I understood that in my suffering I still knew He was there. In my anguish I knew He would deliver me one day. In my pain I knew His promises and I knew and understood He would never fail me.

Life doesn’t always go as we plan. We will face setbacks. We will face difficult moments where we just don’t feel God anymore. We don’t feel the worship and praise. We simply feel pain. It’s in these most difficult moments we must remember the Words of Jesus. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) God also left us promises through scripture. In Psalm 91:15 God tells us, “He will call on me and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him.”

My dear friend, know that whatever your situation is right now, God has not left you. It’s ok if your words are lost in your pain. Just don’t allow your suffering to pull you away from your Savior. Trust that God loves you and His promises are true and faithful. He WILL deliver you. He WILL answer you.

Stand on the promises of God found in Psalm 91:14-16.

Declare His promises daily!

Even when you don’t feel it, DECLARE IT! Let your declarations be greater than your disappointments.

XOXO…Ileen

psst…God Loves You